Moments with McRollins
by Dee47
Summary: Just a collection of one shots in the life of Steve and Catherine.
1. You're the One I Want

So this chapter was inspired by a song (lyrics below) by Switchfoot.

 _There are countless stars in the sky tonight  
_ _And the city glows with a million lights  
_ _But of all this bright that I see tonight  
_ _You're the one I want_

 _There are countless mountains left to climb  
_ _With these butterflies I still feel inside  
_ _But it's just us here in the candlelight  
_ _And you're the one I want_

 _There are countless memories lost, forgotten, thrown into the wind  
_ _There are countless words I wish I never said  
_ _There are countless explorations that I'm longing to begin  
_ _But you're the one I want  
_ _You're the one I want_

 _There are countless souls wide awake tonight  
_ _With the countless questions on my mind  
_ _And a million clocks that I can't unwind  
_ _But you're the one I want_

(Side note: If you have not checked out Switchfoot's latest album _Native Tongue_ , do yourself a favor and go do it now. Great music!) _  
_

* * *

The ocean water inched closer to the shore as he stared silently at the setting sun. The beer bottle he held in his hand, his third of the night, rested against the arm of the weathered wooden chair that had been a permanent fixture for most of his life. It was a typical picturesque Hawaiian night that made so many refer to his homeland as paradise. But for him, it was just home. And the only place these days that brought him any semblance of peace.

As he continued to watch the slowly rolling waves, he could feel the tight muscles in his neck and back gradually beginning to relax while the slight buzz from the alcohol allowed his mind to drift. The past few weeks had been filled with what seemed like one case after another with many requiring his team to pull all-nighters. After making an arrest to close out their latest case earlier this afternoon, the governor had called him to order all of Five-0 to shut down for the rest of the day. Whether it was the weariness he must have seen on Steve's face in a budget meeting the day before or just simply finding a little sympathy for the extreme workload of late, no one was complaining.

It had been almost a month since he had returned from Montana, but this was the first time he had been still long enough to think back over everything that had occurred. With the stream of cases, not to mention Grace's accident and the endless mountain of paperwork that had been waiting for him upon his return, he had not allowed himself time to slow down. Staying busy helped keep him from having to think about things he was not ready relive. However, he could have done without having to see his niece lying motionless in a hospital bed nor having to watch his best friend fall apart at the thought of losing his daughter.

When he had first walked into Grace's hospital room and saw her lying there, he had felt that all too familiar weight pressing against his chest. Not that one is ever ready to lose someone they love, but in that moment, he was not sure he would have recovered losing her so soon after losing Joe. By the grace of God she had pulled through and at least for now he was spared the burden of having to bury another person he loved. That had been his fear in Montana too. It had been difficult for him to allow Danny and Catherine to go with him to Laos. If the op had gone sideways and something had happened to either one of them, then they might as well have buried him under that old ponderosa pine tree right next to Joe.

He knew Danny had been keeping a closer eye than usual on him since they had been back. When the nights went long and he was sending everyone else home to get some sleep, Danny had refused to leave until they walked out together. He knew his best friend well enough to know that he was most likely using all of the self-restraint he had in him to not bring up the topic of Catherine's presence at the ranch. Had it not been for Grace's accident, he was sure it would have already happened. Then when Danny's attention shifted to Grace and focusing on her recovery, the others on the team seemed to have stepped up in his place to keep an eye on him. While they had every right to question why their boss had been MIA, to their credit, they kept him occupied with talk about their current caseload, never questioning why he had stayed away so long. For that, he was thankful because he was not ready to talk about Joe or Catherine.

After burying Joe, he had stayed in that bullet riddled house alone for days, too numb to think or do much of anything. Memories of Joe had continued to play through his mind like an old movie projector flashing one image after another. Some were better than others, but the one constant theme was how Joe had always been looking out for him no matter the consequences. From bailing him out of jail at Carlsbad, to refusing to leave him alone in Afghanistan even when they were outnumbered ten to one, or always giving him advice whether he wanted to hear it or not. It all been because Joe loved him like the son he never had. While he had been looking at what was left of the house Joe had built with his own hands, it had suddenly come back to him. Just the day before, his mentor, one of the few constants in his life, had given him one last piece of advice. Don't wait, Joe had told him. Don't wait too long to find someone like he had. The regret he had seen on Joe's face in that moment had surprised him. He had been admired for his impeccable military record not to mention the countless missions post-retirement that made the world a safer place, even putting his life in danger on more than one occasion. But one look at Joe's face and he realized all of that had come with a cost. For all the incredible, selfless acts he had done, there were consequences. He had waited too long to find someone to share his life with and now it was too late. He had been telling Steve to not repeat his mistake and end up with that same regret.

That's why, on that cold, windy day in early December, staring out at the land that Joe had loved so much, he had allowed his mentor's words to push him into action. Gripping the phone in his hand, he had hesitated for only a moment before pressing the speed dial button for the number that had been programmed back into his phone months ago. He had no idea where in the world she was or even what time zone, but as each ring of the phone echoed in his ear, he grew more and more desperate to just hear her voice. Just when he was expecting the nondescript voicemail to pick up, he heard the click and suddenly she was there.

They phone call itself had been relatively brief. He told her about Joe and where he was and without hesitation, she said she was on her way. The thought of her there with him had brought about a range of emotions from fear to worry to relief to desperation to have her there. It was selfish of him to pull her away from her life and whatever assignment she may have been in the middle of, but for once he wanted to be selfish. Within a minute of his call, he could hear her throwing things into a bag and within five minutes, she was headed to the airport. No questions, no concerns about picking up and leaving at a moment's notice. Without him even having to say the words, she knew him in a way no one else did and knew he was barely hanging on. Thankfully she had been in Washington for a debriefing after her latest assignment so she told him she would be there by the next morning.

The shifting wind knocked over one of the empty bottles he had set on the table beside him, drawing him back to the present. He had not really processed all that had happened between them in those first few days after she arrived at the ranch. Being with her had allowed him time to grieve, to remember and to eventually focus on the mission that lie ahead. Like so many times in the past, she had been his rock during those days. Her promise to be there by his side, to see this through to the end, had given him the strength he needed to finally get the justice that Joe deserved. But then she was gone. Again. Watching her drive away at the airport in Montana had been almost as hard as the day he watched her leave with the weight of an engagement ring in his hand. As he had turned away from the retreating vehicle, he had held on to her promise of "until next time," but he knew there was no guarantee that time would ever come.

Glancing down at the phone that sat beside the overturned beer bottle, he heard Joe's voice echoing through his head again. He didn't want to reach the end of his life one day and have the same regret Joe had had to. For so long after she had left, he had been so angry with her for breaking his heart and angry with himself for letting her. Then when her cover was almost blown, the thought of something happening to her had driven him to do whatever it took to protect her. Something always seemed to happen to draw her back into his life when all he told himself he wanted was to move on and leave whatever they had in the past. Maybe it was pride, anger, regret or all of the above that had convinced him to keep his distance from her whether physically or in those brief encounters the past couple of years to keep his emotional distance. After her last trip to Hawaii, he felt he was finally getting there and that maybe, just maybe, he was ready to let go. But then Montana happened and everything changed. Now he couldn't help but wonder why he had fought it so long when it was obvious to everyone else what he really wanted.

Much like that day on the ranch weeks ago, he quickly picked up the phone and pressed the familiar speed dial button before he lost his nerve. Downing the last of the beer that resided in his opposite hand, he brought the phone to his ear, waiting anxiously for the ringing to stop. Then it did and she was there.

"Steve?"

Abruptly his mouth went completely dry and the words would not come. While he had been so anxious to hear her voice again, now that she was there on the other end of the line, he had no idea what to say. The silence must have worried her because he could hear the apprehension in her voice as she pleaded with him to say something.

"Steve, what is it? What's wrong?"

"Hey Catherine." Maybe it was a bit cliché whenever someone said their heart skipped a beat just by seeing another person or hearing their voice, but in that moment, he could attest to the fact that it could actually happen. "I just…I guess I just needed to hear your voice."

"You're scaring me, Steve. Are you ok?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm okay, I promise. I'm actually at home just sitting outside by the water and I was thinking about you. Is this a bad time? I mean, I don't even know what time zone you are in right now."

"No, no, it's fine," she interrupted quickly, her relief evident as he heard her exhale slowly. "Believe it or not, I'm actually in Coronado so it's not even 9:00. Interesting that you should call now because I was just thinking about you too. Bet you'll never guess where I am."

Sliding his body further down in the chair, he felt his body relaxing as he closed his eyes letting the images from the past float through his mind. "Coronado, huh? Could you possibly be at Leroy's having the darkest ale they have on tap tonight?"

The slight bit of laughter that came across the line made him smile. In their brief joint visits to Coronado, usually one or the other of them had only been passing through, so the majority of their time had been spent on other activities. However, when they did finally venture outside, Leroy's had been one of the few spots they had visited together and it had quickly become one of their favorites.

"Actually, that sounds really good right about now," she sighed dreamily. "No, actually, I'm sitting on the patio at Peohe's staring out across the water at the San Diego skyline with a not so great glass of Chardonnay."

"Peohe's? Isn't that where we…"

"Missed our dinner reservation," she finished for him. "Yep, the one and the same. Food is as good as advertised, but their wine list leaves a lot to be desired."

Peohe's was one of the nicer restaurants in Coronado and where he remembered most of his navy buddies took their dates when they wanted to impress them. That thought made him wish he had skipped that third beer as his stomach began to churn. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize. Didn't mean to interrupt your dinner so I can let you go."

"Steve, wait!" The last thing she wanted was to end this conversation. Not when talking to him was the reprieve she desperately needed after the past few weeks. "It's just me and my Chardonnay at the moment. My parents are in San Diego for the week and it's been awhile since I've seen them so I decided to join them for a visit. They've actually headed back to their hotel, but I decided to stay a little longer and enjoy the view."

"Oh, well that's good, I mean you getting to visit your parents is good." He had to quickly scramble to cover the happiness in his voice that her parents had been her dinner date for the night. "I'm surprised the agency let you have more time off given how long you were just gone. Which I am sorry about, by the way. I know they probably were not happy with you begin gone for almost a month just to help me out."

"First of all, there is nothing for you to be sorry for, Steve. I had finished my last assignment when you called me and given the situation, they were surprisingly supportive. Of course, that probably had more to do with them wanting Greer out of the way than anything to do with me."

Greer. The one name he had tried to forget and hoped to never hear again. Suddenly it seemed the alcohol buzz had vanished and been replaced by a dull throbbing that had his head pounding. Rubbing his fingers against his eyes, he tried to erase the image of her face from his mind. "Lots of lives are better off with her gone. Just wish I had seen who she really was sooner and maybe then Joe and the rest of the team would still be alive."

"Don't do that, Steve. We talked about this already. Greer had been in the agency for years and had learned from the best how to hide her true motives. Even those who worked closest with her had no idea she was a traitor, so there was no way you could have known what she was up to."

He knew she was trying to reassure him but he still blamed himself for not staying one step ahead of her. It has been a mistake ever getting involved with her all those years ago and now others were having to pay for his mistake. Truth was though he was tired of giving her one more ounce of his energy and the last thing he wanted was to waste the few precious minutes he had getting to talk to Catherine thinking about Greer.

"So to show their thanks for taking her out, they gave you more vacation time, huh?"

In typical Steve fashion, she knew he was diverting, but given this was an unexpected phone call with him, she decided to drop the subject. Plus she had some diverting to do of her own. "Not exactly. As soon as I got back to DC after leaving Montana, I was on a plane within the hour headed overseas for a new assignment. That's where I've been until about a week ago."

Catherine had hoped he would let the subject drop there because she really wanted to avoid telling him the real reason she was on leave. It had been one of the more difficult assignments she had been a part of since joining the agency and she had the battle wounds to prove it. The makeup had done a fairly decent job of covering the bruises and scratches on her face, though her beat up hands were a different story. And the bruised ribs, while easier to hide from view, made itself evident every time she tried to take a deep breath, which she tried to avoid at all cost. But of course, Steve knew her well and there was no way he was going to let this go.

"Everything go okay over there?" It probably was not his smartest move pressing her about this when he knew she couldn't really talk about her assignments. There was something in the shift of her voice though that worried him.

The couple at the table next to her took that moment to get up to leave, causing her to shift her chair to let them pass. Unfortunately for her, she had pulled the chair too close causing the edge of the table to press against her aching ribs. Before she could stop herself, she let out a slight whimper as her ribs screamed at her.

"You're hurt, aren't you?" Ever since he learned the truth about her joining the CIA, that worry had always been in the back of his mind. Having seen her in action on more than one occasion, he had little doubt she could take care of herself. In fact, there was no one he trusted more to protect themselves, but the memories of El Condor or their trip to North Korea that would come roaring back to remind him she was not invincible. Just the thought of anyone hurting her had him wanting to fly off to wherever she had been and beat the hell out of whoever dared touch her.

"I'm fine, Steve. I promise it's nothing major and before you even ask, yes I have been checked out and I'm good to go." Now that the jolt of pain from her ribs had subsided she eased back into the comfort of her chair, relishing in how good it felt to have him worry about her again. "The assignment was finished and my boss just decided to give my team a few weeks for some R&R. My mom has been begging me to come visit and when I called she told me they were in San Diego for a mini vacation. I have always loved this area, so it worked out for me to come visit them here."

The story sounded plausible, but he knew she was downplaying her injuries probably in an effort to spare his own psyche, which seemed to be hanging on by a bare thread these days. Despite his worry, the pain he had heard in her voice just moments before had seemed to lessen so for now, he reluctantly let it go. "So how long are you planning on staying there?"

The question caught her a bit off-guard stunning her into silence. The truth she had not wanted to admit to him was that as much as she wanted to see her family, her initial thought had been to fly straight from Washington to Honolulu. For over a month, between Montana, Laos and then China, she had been with him every day, more than the last several years combined. After all that time with him, adjusting back to being separated had been difficult. Even though her work had kept her distracted enough for those few weeks after, when left with nothing but time on her hands, all she could think about was how much she wanted to see him again. Reaching for her glass, she drained the last bit of wine she had left hoping for the liquid courage she desperately needed. Sitting the empty glass back down in front of her, she took as easy of a breath as she could to spare her aching ribs and exhaled slowly preparing herself.

"I'm not sure. I think my parents are about ready to head home, but I was hoping to find somewhere to relax a bit longer. You have any suggestions?"

The teasing tone he heard in her voice was music to his ears and he knew the door had opened for his chance to be honest with her. Opening his mouth to reply, he suddenly stopped. Could he really do this? Could he really give her the chance to walk back into his life? The part of him that had been angry at her for walking away and lying reminded him of the engagement ring that was still in a box, shoved in the top drawer of a dresser in his house. His heart had taken too many beatings over the years and he was not sure it could take another blow if she said no or worse, said yes, only to end up leaving again.

' _What are you waiting for, Steve?'_

Even though he knew it was not possible, he would have sworn to anyone that Joe was sitting in the chair right beside him, voicing the same question he had asked all those years ago in Afghanistan. The same question that had started him down the road of a relationship with Catherine. The night of the Army-Navy gala had changed his life and he had Joe to thank for that. He had been so scared of losing her from his life that had Joe not pushed him to ask her out, he's not sure he ever would have. So what was it exactly that he was waiting for now? If life had taught him anything it was that time was short. No one was ever promised tomorrow. A fact he had unfortunately learned all too well after seeing too many people he loved die too soon. Why wait when he knew exactly what it was he wanted?

The bravado she had built up with that last sip of wine suddenly vanished at the silence that came through on the other end of the line. She had hoped things had changed for them in Montana, but she must have misread everything. Maybe there was just too much in their past for them to overcome.

"Listen Steve, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"Come here. Come to Hawaii." He knew she was already second guessing herself and he wanted to stop her before those thoughts convinced her to change her mind.

"Are you sure?"

The doubt he heard in her voice made him wish even more that she was already there with him so he could prove to her how sure he really was. "Yes, I'm sure. I know a lot has happened and things got a bit complicated between us in Montana, but there is one thing I know for sure. You saved me, Catherine. I was barely holding on and you saved me from myself. I know I wasn't fair to you, but I honestly don't know what I would have done if you had not been there."

"And if I had it to do all over again, I would do the same thing, Steve. I know what Joe means to you and there was nothing that would have stopped me from being there to help you through that."

"That's why you were the first call I made. You were the only one that could have gotten me through those first days after Joe's death." When he paused, he heard the soft cries coming from the other end of the line causing him to curse himself for being the one to make her cry. "Damn it, I'm not saying this right. Yes, you were the one I needed, but the reason you are that person is because of what you mean to me. It was about more than just survival, Cath."

"I know I've hurt you, Steve. I made decisions that I wish I could take back, but I promise at the time I made them, I thought it was the only way. Maybe one day I will be able to explain it to you. But I need you to understand now though that I never in a million years wanted to do anything that caused you pain. Yet I did and I don't know if there is a way to come back from that."

"What I know, Cath, is that I am tired of missing you. And if I'm honest with myself, I think I've been missing you since the day you left over three years ago."

The tears that were now streaming down her face quickly washed away the makeup that she had painstakingly applied earlier that evening causing the still healing scrapes and scratches to sting a bit. But in that moment, none of that mattered. "I miss you too, sailor."

"So go to the airport and buy a one way ticket to Honolulu."

"Steve, it's not that simple and you know it." What she would give if it really could be that simple, but both of their emotions were so raw right now and she couldn't let him, or herself for that matter, get swept away. "The things that drove us apart before are still there. I'm still in the CIA and I can't make promises to you that you need."

"They gave you this time off after whatever it was that happened over there, which to be honest, I can't even let myself think about how bad it was if the CIA willingly gave you time off for a vacation. But either way they did, so you have this break now. Why not make it a permanent break?"

Exhaustion and the lingering pain from her injuries were starting to take their toll on her ability to form a coherent thought. She knew he wanted it to be an easy fix, but there was still so much baggage she carried with her and there was no way she could put herself in the position to possibly hurt him again.

Pushing himself up out of the chair, his anxiety getting the better of him, he paced the length of the sand as the water lightly touched his bare feet. "I know what you are doing. You are trying to convince yourself that too much has happened between us and it won't work. Listen, yes, I know there is a lot we still need to talk about. Things like why you came back for Kono's wedding when you knew you were leaving again or why I could never really move on even after I told you I would. And I promise, we will talk about all of it, but none of that changes me wanting you here. I love you, Catherine. That has never changed."

Her continued silence was worrying him that he was about to lose her all over again. "Are you happy with the life you have, Catherine? If you tell me that's the life you want, then I will step back and let you go again. But I need you to tell me the truth. What do you want?"

Hearing his vulnerability broke something in her. Truthfully she was tired of running away from the life she really wanted so maybe it was time to stop. "You," her voice cracked as new tears cascaded down her face. "I want you."

"Done."

"Okay, then I guess I have a plane to catch," she laughed through her tears.

"Really?" The weight on his chest was starting to lift as he heard her laugh and he finally felt like he could breathe again. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," she promised. "Because I love you too. You are what I have always wanted. We will have a lot to still figure out, but for now, I just want to be with you."

"Hey, we'll figure it all out together, ok?"

"I know we will. So I guess I better let you go so I can go check out of my hotel and catch a ride to the airport."

"You're really coming." It was more of a statement than a question as he needed to keep reminding myself that this was happening.

"I will send you my flight info as soon as I get to the airport. Assuming I will have a handsome sailor there to pick me up when I get to Hawaii, right?"

"As long as the handsome sailor is me, then yes, I'll be waiting for you."

Hearing those words, she realized they really held a double meaning for her in that moment and she felt the tears filling her eyes again. "Thank you for waiting for me."

"Always," he promised.


	2. Always

_I have no idea what kind of ending we will get on the show for Steve, but in my world, he will always end up with Catherine. So, I just decided to write my own ending. Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy._

 _Dee  
_

* * *

The night air was still as Danny's eyes suddenly popped open in the darkness. Lifting his weary head reluctantly from the pillow beneath him, he turned to see the bright red numbers staring back at him. 3:04am. With a groan, he fell back to the pillow, roughly rubbing the heels of hands against his tired eyes. It was way too early for his brain to be awake, especially since it had been approaching midnight before he and Steve finally got home from the ranch and wrapping up final details of the case back at the office. His body was still exhausted from the activities of the day, including the unexpected horseback riding adventure. Before he could drift back to sleep, he heard the creaking floor just outside the closed bedroom door caused by all too familiar footsteps.

Steve was up, pacing around the living room and kitchen. Again. This had pretty much become Steve's nightly routine the past few weeks so it didn't come as a complete surprise. But Danny had hoped his partner would have been as equally exhausted from the day and would finally be able to get the sleep he so desperately needed. It was obvious that wasn't going to happen tonight.

Grudgingly, Danny slid his sore body out of the bed and was making his way out of the room when the footsteps suddenly stopped. He paused, waiting to see if he could hear any movement to indicate Steve was walking back up the stairs, but his ears were met with only silence. Resuming his walk and opening the door, he squinted against the faint light he saw coming from the kitchen. There he found Steve huddled over the screen of his laptop, fingers typing furiously against the keyboard.

"Steve?"

At the sound of his name, Steve jerked his head around at the same time he quickly snapped the laptop shut. "Danny? What are you doing up?"

"Oh, you know, 3 hours of sleep is all that I really need, so thought I'd get up and start the day," he responded sarcastically. "Better question is what are you doing on a computer at this time of night. You have some reports you just couldn't bear to wait to finish?"

Steve stood up from the table, avoiding eye contact as he pulled the refrigerator door open and grabbed a bottle of water from the top shelf. Watching Steve throw his head back and down the water quickly, Danny knew avoidance when he saw it. Multiple times over the last several weeks he had tried to get Steve to talk about what was going on with him, but he immediately shut the conversation down just like he did earlier that day. But this had gone on long enough.

"What the hell is going on with you, Steve? You've been like this for weeks and despite the fact you refuse to admit it, I know you're exhausted from lack of sleep. Those bags under your eyes are a dead give-a-way, so just tell me."

"It's noth…"

"No, don't tell me it's nothing," Danny snapped sharply. "I don't want to hear that lie again. I know you Steve and I know how you get when people push you, so I've tried not to push. But this lack of sleep is starting to affect your health and…," he paused as the wheels in his head started to turn. "Wait a minute…" Suddenly, a sick feeling began to settle in the pit of his stomach as Steve's words from earlier that day came flooding back to his mind.

 _"I have always taken sunsets for granted. Probably because I figured I'd see a million more. Just because you see something every day doesn't make it any less special, huh? In fact, I think those are the things you are going to miss the most in the end, you know?"_

At the time, Danny had tried to be his smart aleck self to lighten the mood and made a joke about them getting stuck in the woods in the dark and having to hunt a squirrel to eat. It hadn't hit him until just now what Steve had really been saying. It was almost as if he was trying to savor something for the last time. Like something was coming to an end.

"Oh God," his voice was barely a whisper. "Is there something going on that you're not telling me?"

Steve turned his back to him and slowly set the empty water bottle on the counter as he braced his hands against the edge of the sink, dropping his head. His silence only heightened the fear that was quickly spreading through Danny's body with every worst case scenario running through his head. Memories of hospitals and surgeries and multiple doctors' appointments came flooding back as he silently prayed that he was not about to hear the news that he had been dreading since the day Steve told him he had radiation poisoning.

"You had a doctor's appointment a few weeks ago," Danny sighed as he started to put the pieces together. "It was right about the time that the all-night pacing and no sleeping started. Did the doctor say…did you find out…?" He swallowed hard, not able to get the words out. "Whatever it is we can deal with it, you know? There are specialists on the mainland that we can get you to. Specialists who know how to deal with things like this. You don't have to go through this alone. I am going to be there every step…"

"I don't have cancer, Danny," Steve interrupted, crossing his arms against his chest as he turned around to face him. "I thought I did, but the doctor ran some more tests and I found out last week that everything is fine, so you can stop worrying."

Danny dropped forward with this hands on his knees, exhaling in relief. Catching his breath, he stood back up and saw Steve watching him. Even with this news, his partner's face still held more stress and anxiety than he had ever seen. "Why the hell would you not tell me about this when it was happening, huh? You carry that burden around all by yourself and don't tell anyone? Not even me?"

Steve started to respond, but quickly stopped himself. He paused for a moment, appearing as if he wanted to say something, but could not find the words. Finally pushing himself away from the counter, Steve quickly stepped past Danny into the living room and fell down to the couch in exhaustion.

Burying his head into hands, Steve groaned in frustration. This was exactly the type of conversation he had been trying to avoid. Over the last several years, Danny had been the one more paranoid about his health than him, which is exactly why he did not tell Danny when he first started feeling run down. Given all that he had been through in the past year, he did not think anything of it at the time. However, when week after week he felt his energy depleting just a bit more, he finally convinced himself to go to his doctor. Thankfully it had turned out to be nothing. Nothing physical at least. No, it was more of the stress and his emotional turmoil that were wreaking havoc on his body. But if he had told Danny any of that, he would have continued to push and want to know answers that Steve just didn't have and he didn't want to give Danny something else to worry about with him. As he leaned against the back of the couch, he could feel the fatigue was seeping into his bones. His mind had been spinning out of control for a while now, but he was not prepared to share all of those thoughts just yet. Not even with Danny.

Following behind Steve, Danny sat down on the edge of the recliner facing him in silence. From the look on Danny's face, Steve could tell it was obvious he wanted him to continue. "Listen, if there had been something to tell you, Danny, I would have. I've just been feeling run down the past few weeks, but I didn't want to worry you or anyone else until I knew for sure what was going on."

"Ok, so you've been what, researching symptoms or treatments online? Is that what has been keeping you up all hours of the night?"

"Partly," Steve confessed, hoping he could steer this conversation either to an end or at least in a direction away from where it appeared to be heading. "I just wanted to know what to expect if the worst happened and get a better handle on what I could be dealing with. But that doesn't matter now because I don't have cancer. End of story."

"No, it is not the end of the story because there is still something going on with you." Danny snapped, frustrated by his inability to get any real answers from his stubborn partner. "You said you found out last week that you don't have cancer, but yet here you are still up all hours of the night, pacing, not sleeping, and doing who knows what on that computer. So what is going on?"

Steve quickly felt the throbbing inside his head pick up speed as he pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose trying to ward off the pain that was building. While the blow he had taken to the back of the head against that rock during the fight earlier had left him feeling woozy in the immediate aftermath, he now felt a constant ache that didn't seem to want to go away. Add that to no sleep and hours staring at a computer screen, not to mention this inquisition from his partner, and his head was on the verge of exploding. Why did Danny have to keep pushing? He did not want to have this conversation with him, not when he still had so much to figure out himself. But it was obvious Danny was in full rant mode and was not going to let this go anytime soon. So he would just tell him. Even if it wasn't the whole story.

"I've been trying to track down Catherine."

The room fell silent as Danny looked at him in confusion, seemingly trying to process what Steve had just said. "Wait…what? Why now? It's been what, over a year since you've heard from her so why would you go looking for her now?"

Steve hesitated, his brain trying to catch up to his mouth before he said too much. "We've been keeping in touch every few months since Montana." Steve finally confessed, waiting for a new rant to begin. To his surprise Danny remained silent, though the confusion never left his face. Before he could say anything, Steve continued, feeling the need to defend himself. "I know what you're going to say, so just don't. Catherine has been and still is an important part of my life. Regardless of what happened between us, I still care about what happens to her and keeping in touch every so often is just our thing and lets me know that she's ok and vice versa. She has her job and I have mine, so there's nothing more to do it than that."

"Ok," Danny shrugged his shoulders after Steve's diatribe ended. "So why wouldn't you say anything to me? I mean no, I don't like how she keeps popping in and out of your life because I see what it does to you when she leaves. But you don't think I know why you always seem to find a reason to end any potential relationship before anything can come of it? I know how you feel about Catherine, even if I don't think that's necessarily healthy for you. But whatever, you know, it's your life so you get to decide who you want to be in it. Why all this though?" he waved back toward the closed laptop. "Why are you up in the middle of the night trying to track her down if the two of you have been keeping in regular contact?"

"I haven't heard from her since before Mexico…since my mother." Swallowing around the sudden lump in his throat, Steve felt that familiar ache pressing against his chest again. "She would have reached out to me when she heard. More than anyone, Catherine knew what kind of relationship I had with my mother and if she couldn't have found a way to be here, she would have at least contacted me by now. Just like with Joe, she didn't hesitate. As soon as she heard, she dropped everything and was in Montana within hours. Same thing she did after my dad. But now…this isn't like her, which can only mean something's wrong."

"So let's get to work then. Tell me what you need," Danny stated resolutely. When Steve looked at him in disbelief, he shrugged. "I never said I didn't like Catherine and I know how important she is to you. I just hate that she never seems to stay around for long. Doesn't mean I want anything to happen to her."

Steve lowered his head with a slight nod. After all these years, his partner never failed to surprise him. They had had their fair share of disagreements over the years, but when push came to shove, there was no denying Danny always had his back. Through a liver transplant, gunshot wounds and more emotional baggage than any one person should ever had, Danny had showed a kind of loyalty that was rare for most friendships. And for a decade at that. Steve felt a twinge of guilt knowing that all of that was just going to make that future conversation he had to have with him that much harder.

But there would be time for all of that later, once he could find Catherine's location and clear his head. Right now finding her had to be his top priority. "I have a contact in Washington, Marcus Redding, a team guy I served with in Iraq. He's moved his way up within naval intelligence so he has a lot of contacts with a lot of reach. I got in touch with him a couple of months ago and he has been trying to discreetly find the last location where Catherine and her team were located. But as usual with the CIA, he's not had much luck. The best he's been able to find is that she was involved in an undercover op somewhere in the Middle East, but that intel is even in doubt given that was a month ago."

"So, what now? I know you and I know you're not stopping there."

With a sigh of frustration, Steve grabbed the back of his neck, trying to ease the tension that was growing by the minute. "I don't know what else to do, Danny. I've pulled all the strings I have left. Joe would always…Joe was who I relied on to get answers like this. I just…I don't know anymore."

Danny saw the tears start to fill his exhausted partner's eyes and could tell he was hanging on by a very thin thread at the moment. He could only pray that somewhere, somehow Catherine was okay, because the man in front of him now would most likely not survive another loss in his life.

"Ok, how about we just wait for your contact to get back to you and in the meantime, you go upstairs and try to get a few hours of sleep." Steve opened his mouth to protest so Danny quickly held up his hand to stop him. "I'll stay awake and keep an eye out on your phone, so there's no chance you're going to miss anything." When Steve did not look convinced, he continued to press. "Steve, you just admitted to me that you were feeling run down to the point of voluntarily going to see your doctor because you thought something more serious was going on. You have not had a decent night's sleep in weeks which is not helping matters. You have to get some rest or you're going to collapse from exhaustion. So please, just this once, listen to me and go upstairs and try to sleep. I promise I have your back here and if your contact reaches out, I will come wake you."

Steve began to waver, the thought of sleep actually sounding appealing for the first time in a while. He lifted his tired eyes to Danny, studying him closely to ensure he was telling him the truth. "If anything and I mean anything comes up…"

"I promise," Danny reiterated, reaching out his hand. "Now hand over the phone and get your lazy ass upstairs. I'll take care of things down here."

Steve gave a slight grin as he reluctantly handed over his phone. "Thanks, buddy."

Danny nodded as he watched him stand and trudge slowly up the stairs, hoping beyond hope that sleep would actually come this time. After he heard the click of the closed bedroom door upstairs, Danny shifted his body over to the couch. Stretching his legs out, he grabbed the remote to find something to distract him while he could do nothing but wait.

After flipping through endless channels, he happily landed upon a replay of an old Jets game on some classic sports channel. As the 2-hour replay began to wind down, he felt his heavy eyes start to droop when the vibration from the phone resting on his leg startled him awake. Blinking quickly to focus on the message that lit the screen, the words made his heart drop. This was not the news he had been hoping for.

* * *

Staring out at the water, Steve relaxed as much as he could, squinting his eyes against the bright sun that rested high in the crystal blue sky. He felt the warmth on his face as he sipped from the water bottle that set beside him, wishing for something stronger even at 10am on a Saturday morning. It was a picture perfect day and the peace and quiet was a welcome reprieve after the past few days. His temporary roommate had finally been convinced to leave him alone at the house while he spent the day with his son. Between home and work, Danny had barely let him out of his sight and the constant watching and questioning of his eating and sleeping habits was beyond frustrating. It was as if Danny expected him to fall apart at any minute, which is the very reason he hadn't shared everything that had been going on with him, particularly since he returned from Mexico. All of the loss in his life had slowly been eating away at him. Freddie, his dad, Joe, his mom…even Catherine. He felt their loss from his life every day, but lately it had been worse. Even his normal runs on the beach, which for the past 10 years had been his escape, were now more of a burden because it only gave him more time to think. More time to remember all that was missing from his life and all that he would never have again.

It has been three days since the message had arrived from Marcus. Three days since Danny had woken him up with the news that Catherine's team had been extradited from an op in Syria the week before with no sign of Catherine. Three days and no further information on her whereabouts. It went against everything in his nature to not head straight to the airport and get on the first flight toward Syria. But according to what Marcus had been able to find out, she had gone off on her own and no one had had any contact with her for the past three weeks. She literally could be anywhere by now. So fighting against his instincts, he knew he had no choice but to continue to wait for more information. But waiting only made his worry worse. He had finally been able to get some sleep the last few nights, which was both a blessing and a curse. With sleep came the nightmares. His mother's face was there, him holding her hand as he watched the blood drain from her body. He heard her words telling him she was sorry and that she loved him. But in the next moment of his dream, the face morphed into Catherine's. Suddenly it was her hand in his and it was her blood spreading across the concrete floor. He would wake up in a cold sweat, his heart pounding against his chest as he laid awake, trying to shake the nightmare while the images kept flashing in his mind. The times he was able to drift back asleep, the nightmares would come again as the faces rotated between his mother's and Catherine's. Although he had never admitted it to anyone, but after finding out Catherine's role with the CIA, he feared that she would end up like his mother. Maybe that's why he had unsuccessfully tried to distance himself from her. Being in the agency had stolen so much of his mother's life, including her life with her family. In the end, all she had wanted was to break free from the hold they had on her. But that had cost her her life. That couldn't happen to Catherine. He couldn't let that happen.

His weary body, still recovering from the fight he had been in a few days ago, was starting to feel a bit better under the warmer than usual March sun. He would never admit it to Danny, but the blow he took to the back of the head still had his vision a little blurry at times. But that too seemed to be improving, so he had been right to protest Danny's rant that he have a doctor check him over. Steve had seen enough of the inside of a doctor's office to last him a lifetime, so there was no way he was going to another one voluntarily.

Even though he was enjoying the warmth of the sun, he knew he needed to do something more than just sit around all day, even if he did not know exactly what that should be. Still, he finally forced his legs to move as he stood to walk back toward the house. But before he could take more than two steps, his body came to an abrupt halt and he began to question whether or not he should have listened to Danny about going to see a doctor. Maybe he did have a serious head injury because surely he was hallucinating right now. With his feet rooted in place, he stood unmoving, staring straight ahead as he squinted and tried to regain his focus. That didn't seem to be working so he quickly rubbed his sweaty palms against his eyes hoping maybe that would clear his vision. That too failed because when he opened his eyes again, she was still there.

"Hey sailor."

Steve felt an odd sense of déjà vu as the figure before him started walking toward him. Flashes of another time, another lifetime, when she had appeared out of the blue in this very same place. Her appearance was different this time though. Gone were the bright eyes and soft braided hair blowing in the ocean breeze. In their place were eyes full of pain and uncertainty along with longer than normal hair that was haphazardly tucked behind her ears revealing a prominent purplish bruise across her right cheekbone and what appeared to be stitches just above the left eye. His mind keyed in on the noticeable limp and the way her right arm was tucked carefully against her body. The closer she came he also noticed the dark circles under her eyes that stood out against her pale skin. She looked like she had been to hell and back, but in that moment, all he could think was that she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"Catherine?" His voice faltered in disbelief as she now stood just a few feet in front of him. He wanted to reach out to see if she was real and not just some figment of his imagination, but he could not bring himself to move.

Forcing a smile that did not quite reach her eyes, she nodded carefully as she swallowed the lump in her throat, trying to keep the emotions that were threatening to overtake her at bay. "I'm sorry, I probably should have called first, but I didn't know what to say and I thought coming in person would be…"

A second wave of déjà vu hit him again and he reacted the only way he knew how. Finally able to convince his body to move, he stepped forward to close the remaining distance between them and wrapped her up in his arms. Only the feel of her hands against his back convinced him that she was indeed real and not a hallucination. Closing his eyes, he lifted a hand to cradle the back of her head, inhaling the sweet scent that was all Catherine. He had prayed for this. Prayed that somehow, some way she was not in some remote area of the world, hurt or worse. A chill raced down his spine at the thought and his arms instinctively tightened around her drawing her in even closer. At that moment, he heard a slight hiss of pain escape from her lips and her body tensed in his arms. Quickly loosening his hold on her, he leaned back as his eyes did a thorough scan from head to toe, his brain cataloging every injury he could see.

"What happened to you? Are you okay?"

Looking at the scrapes and bruises on his own face, she couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "I could ask you the same thing."

Before he could respond, she visibly swayed just a bit as she stumbled to regain her balance. He quickly reached for her elbow to help steady her. "Here, sit down."

Gratefully, she let him guide her to the chair he had just vacated, thankful to give her tired body a rest. He moved to sit in the opposite chair, turning his body toward her so he was not far from her. Resting her head against the back of the chair, she sighed contently as she gazed out at the waves crashing against the shoreline. "I've missed this view."

Steve remained silent for a moment, never taking his eyes off of her, afraid that if he did she would disappear. He could see the exhaustion written all over her face and in the slump of her body as she struggled to get comfortable. With every wince that crossed her face, a million different thoughts raced through his head of where she had been and what she had been through after she separated from her team. And while he wanted answers…needed answers…to so many things, none of that really felt like a priority at the moment.

"I've been looking for you," he whispered.

"So I heard." Catherine smiled at his words and hesitantly shifted her gaze away from the calming water toward him. "When I arrived back in D.C. my handler told me that there had been inquiries from someone high up in naval intelligence regarding my whereabouts. It didn't take long for me to realize Marcus was the one asking and who was behind him asking. As soon as I could, I just thought…well knowing you…I thought in person was better than a phone call."

The intense look in her eyes was too much for him so he looked away suddenly feeling self-conscious. Over the last several weeks, he had not thought twice about pushing as hard as he had to get information on her whereabouts. All that had mattered was making sure she was safe. The rest of it, all that he wanted to tell her, well that would come later. But now that later had arrived, he was beginning to question whether or not he could go through with it.

Catherine cast a worried glance in his direction when he did not respond. "I hope it's okay. I mean if this is not a good time, I can go. I never even considered that you may have other things going on today." When he failed to acknowledge her, she felt her earlier nerves reappear. Maybe it had been a mistake coming here like this. Shifting painfully in the chair, she gingered pressing her hands against the wooden arms to push herself to her feet. "I should probably go."

The slight groan he heard as she tried to stand up finally snapped his attention back to her, realizing she had misinterpreted his silence. "Don't you dare," he demanded, leaning over to lay a gentle hand on her leg to keep her in place. "You're in no shape to go anywhere."

"I'm good," she conceded as she placed her hand on top of his. Seeing the skeptical look on his face, she tried to reassure him. "I'm seriously okay, Steve. A few bruised ribs, some bumps and bruises…nothing more than that." Examining his face more closely, she returned the unspoken question. "Now, your turn."

It did not really surprise him that she was attempting to downplay her injuries because he knew he had a habit of doing the same…just like he was going to have to do now. Even it was a bit of a lie. "I'm good," he replied as he mimicked her response. "So I'm assuming you can't share where you've been or why you haven't been able to contact me."

Her shoulders sagged at the disappointment in his voice knowing at least some of what he had been through in recent months. "No, I can't get into specifics. Operation was a bit off the books, so only my handler and a few people within the CIA knew about my assignment. There was no way even Marcus could have found out more than he did. Separating from my team was part of the plan, but it was the only way to get what we needed. I'm just sorry I was out of touch for so long." She paused briefly, unconsciously squeezing his hand that was still resting on her leg as she felt the twinge of guilt once again. "I heard about Doris. Steve, I am so sorry. I hated not being able to contact you as soon as I heard, but it was too dangerous for a lot of reasons. I would give anything if I had been there with you."

The emotion was evident on his face as he heard the desperate edge in her voice. "I'm glad you were weren't there." His voice was quiet as he dropped his gaze to her hand, his thumb gently tracing the scrapes on her knuckles. "It was…so many things went wrong and I wouldn't have wanted you caught up in that." Pausing his ministrations, he lifted his head to look at her once again. "You know my mother made a lot of mistakes in her life, but in the end, she tried to do the right thing. I think she had just given so much of her life to the job, she did not know any other way to live."

Catherine felt the lump in her throat once again as she thought of the woman she had known and how much she had loved her son. From the moment she first met Doris McGarrett that was the one thing she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt. And as their paths crossed in the years since, their conversations had always turned toward the person they both loved more than anything. However, just like with his mother, Catherine knew she had hurt him by her absence from his life caused by the same job that had taken his mother from him. Not for the first time she felt the doubt consume her that her fate would not be any different than Doris.

"I know a little something about that too."

Steve studied her expression, seeing the regret and fear and knew in that moment that he had to do something, anything to make sure this woman sitting in front of him met with a different outcome than what his mother had faced. Letting go of her hand, he stood, walking a few steps toward the ocean. He felt the nervous energy begin to creep into his veins as he knew that after all of the rehearsing in his mind of how this conversation could go, he had to bite the bullet and just get the words out. Whatever the consequences, he would find a way to deal with them.

Catherine watched him closely, half expecting him to dive head first into the nearest wave as a means to escape any further conversation with her. However, she was startled when he quickly spun back toward her with a look of determination on his face.

"I've been thinking a lot about my life lately," he confessed suddenly. "And I keep coming back to a conversation I had with this man I met in the hospital chapel after my liver transplant. He told me he had been a cop, but still managed to be married for 45 years, which honestly surprised me. I asked him his secret and he said he had just met the right woman. I told him that I had done that too, but I hadn't been able to hang on to her."

Catherine tried to fight back the tears that threatened to overtake her upon hearing the hitch in his voice. Steve closed the distance between them and knelt down to the sand in front of her, reaching for her hand once again. "Hey, look at me," he whispered desperately. "With that all that has happened in the last several years, I've come to realize how much the job has taken from me. You even said it yourself that day in my office when I was trying to find Gabriel and DuClair. The job always came first. Looking back I could kick myself for not correcting you in that moment. I wasn't fair to you. I know that now, but I just didn't know any other way. When I told that man that I wasn't sure if the job had been worth it, he told me that my legacy would be in the closure I brought to complete strangers that I had helped by solving a case or even the lives that had been changed because of what I did."

Catherine reached up with her free hand to touch his cheek tenderly, trying to smooth the worry lines from his face. "You have done that," she smiled lovingly. "Steve, you are so important to so many people, your team most of all. The people on this island are so lucky to have you."

"But at what expense, Catherine? There is so much in my life that I have missed out on because I gave everything I had to the job. All of this started when I came back to this island to find the man responsible for my father's death, but if he could see me now…I know this isn't the life he wanted for me." Feeling his emotions start to spiral at the memory of his father's voice from the recorder he had left behind, he slowly took a breath to calm himself before he finally felt like he could continue without breaking down.

"I found this recorder," he began. "A diary of sorts my dad left behind, but on it he recalled a time when I was 5 years old and he asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. Like any kid who idolized their father, I told him I wanted to be a cop, just like him. Then he said he hoped I would be anything but that. Because he knew…my dad knew that life wasn't easy and after all it took from him, he had regrets." He paused, sighing heavily. "I finally understand what he meant. I've given 10 years of my life to this job and I don't feel like I have anything left to give."

Catherine studied him intently, gently caressing his face. "What do you mean, Steve? 5-0 has been such a huge part of your life, not to mention your team is your ohana. You have so much still to offer to them."

Steve closed his eyes for a moment, allowing himself the luxury of the feel of her touch. When he reopened his eyes to see her beautiful face in front of him, he suddenly felt the most amazing sense of peace envelop him from head to toe. Never in his life had he ever been so sure of anything like he was now.

"My dad died with regrets," he uttered softly. "I don't want that to happen to me. Even Joe warned me about that. In Montana, he told me not to wait too long to find someone to share my life with like he had. He died with regrets too. He had waited so long that he missed out on more time with the person he loved."

Swallowing nervously, he stopped to take a breath, determined to finally say the words he should have said years ago. "After you left, I was determined to push aside my feelings for you and move on. My head knew that was the smartest thing to do because I thought then that you were never coming back. So I tried. I honestly tried to move on, but there was always a reason or an excuse why things never worked out with anyone. I could never let anyone in and it took me a while to figure out why. But since Montana, I finally realized that even with the distance and even with other people in my life, you were never far from my thoughts. If truth be known, there was always a part of me that hoped and prayed for a day just like this when you would walk back into my life."

Catherine turned away from him, removing her hand from beneath his as she made an effort to catch her breath. Drying the tears pouring down her face with the back of her hand, she turned back to him. "I know it's my fault because I've hurt you in ways that I never meant. God, Steve, the last thing in the world I have ever wanted to do was hurt you, but I know I did and I can't take that back. I don't even know where I fit in your life anymore."

Hearing the doubt in her voice, Steve smiled warmly, encouraging her to stand as he gently pulled her to her feet. Overcome with emotion, Catherine let out a soft sob as she buried her head against his chest. Wrapping his arms around her, he lowered his head to press a tender kiss to the crown of her head, slowly rocking her back and forth to try to soothe her. After several minutes, he felt her tense muscles start to relax.

"You will always fit into my life," he whispered into her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. Leaning back from their embrace, Steve urged her to look at him as he lifted her chin with the tips of his fingers. "I have waited long enough already to have the life I want and I don't want to wait anymore. I'm ready to start the next chapter and I want to do it with you. But I need to know what you want, Catherine." He heard the nervousness in his own voice and he was already second guessing himself before the next statement came out of his mouth. But he knew he had to say it because regardless of her response, he had to know. "I need to know if you are going to leave again."

Looking up into the piercing eyes she loved so much, Catherine could not suppress the smile that was forming on her face nor the laugh that began to bubble up from inside her. She could see the confusion cloud his face, obviously not expecting her reaction. In that moment, she felt a love for him so strong it took her breath away. Resting both of her hands against either side of his face, she stretched up to place a tender kiss on his lips.

"That's why I'm here," she finally managed to say. "I submitted my resignation yesterday. This last assignment was my last. I guess I was finally tired of putting my life on hold too."

It had been quite some time since Steve would have described himself as genuinely happy, but in that moment, there was no other word to describe what he was feeling. With a smile as bright as the sun that shone overhead, his lips crashed into hers, pouring every bit of love he felt for her into that one kiss.

When they finally parted to get much needed air, Catherine looked at him with a hopeful smile as she caught her breath. "So what comes next?"

Pulling her body in even closer, it took him a minute to regain his train of thought. In that moment, with her fingers playfully caressing the hair at the nape of his neck, the only thing his mind could comprehend was how good it felt to have her in his arms. It all still seemed too good to be true. When he had first started having thoughts of making some major changes to his life, there was only one person who he pictured standing right there beside him. He had had his doubts though. Over the years, there had been times when they had been close, but one obstacle after another had caused separation between them. And if he were honest with himself, there were many days he wouldn't allow himself to imagine a life with her because he was too hurt. Too angry. Life has a way of putting things into perspective though. After his liver transplant and subsequent health diagnosis after the radiation exposure, the anger and hurt had started to dissipate. Catherine had taken a piece of him when she left and it was time to be whole again.

"Steve?"

Brought out of his reverie by her voice drifting through the air in his direction, he began to tell her things that he had not yet shared with anyone. "Well," he finally managed to say. "Marcus and I have stayed in regular contact over the years and obviously a bit moreso in recent weeks. He has been pushing for me to go to Coronado to conduct some training for SEAL recruits. Seems that he broached the subject with his superiors and touted that the combination of my experience as a SEAL and leading 5-0 would be a good resource for them to utilize. He must have convinced someone because I got an offer a few weeks ago and I am seriously thinking about taking it."

"Wow." Her voice filled with surprise. ""I have to say, I never thought you would leave Hawaii."

"It wouldn't be forever," he corrected. "This place is home and it always will be. I honestly cannot imagine living out the rest of my life anywhere but right here with this view in front of me every day. But I think I need a change of scenery for a bit and Coronado is as good a place as any."

"Coronado, huh?" she smiled coyly, her fingers playing with the collar of his shirt. "I seem to recall some good memories from there."

Steve's huge grin made his eyes shine with happiness as his hands unconsciously ran up and down her back. "I surely hope those good memories involve me."

"No doubt, sailor," she laughed, snuggling her head against his chest. The steady beat of his heart comforted her as she inhaled the familiar scent that was a mixture of Steve and the salty Hawaiian air. As his body relaxed against hers, she was a bit astounded by the change in his demeanor in just the past few minutes. It was as if the weight of the world had lifted from his shoulders and even the worry lines had begun to melt from his face. Which is why she hoped she wasn't about to make a huge mistake by bringing up a topic that they had to discuss before either of them could go any further with this potential future they seemed to be considering now.

Reluctantly pulling away from him, she stepped out of his embrace, suddenly feeling the ache of her beaten up body again. "Steve, there is something we need to talk about." When he directed a worried glance in her direction, she began to feel apprehensive about doing this even though she knew she had to. "You know there is the metaphorical elephant in the room here that we've never addressed."

The knowing look he tried to hide told her all that she needed, even though she hated seeing the worry lines creeping their way back onto his face. "You were ready to propose and I left. And not only that, but I lied to you. I know how important trust is to you and I broke that."

Holding her breath, she waited for him to respond. Watching him place his hands on his hips as he turned his head toward the gentle waves, exhaling heavily. The knot in her stomach began to grow, worried that she had just ruined any chance they had of moving forward.

Looking back at the anxiety on her face, he saw the woman who had lied to him. The woman who had left him. But still the woman who he loved more than anything. Stepping carefully toward her to minimize the distance between them, he reached for her hand, intertwining his fingers around hers.

"Catherine," he sighed. "Yes, I hated that you lied, but if I'm honest with myself, I understood why you did it. And I am not blameless either with everything that's happened between us. You told me in Morocco that you would have said yes if I had asked you, but I waited too long because I was scared. I was scared of us becoming my mom and dad and the thought of losing you terrified me. But that's exactly what ended up happening." Pulling their joins hands toward him, he placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles before leaning down to rest his forehead against hers. "We've both made mistakes, but that does not mean we should give up on everything. I love you, Catherine. Please just say you'll come with me," he pleaded.

Pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, her fingers wiped away a tear that had started to escape from the corner of his eye. "There is nowhere else I'd rather be," she whispered. "Because I love you too."

Hugging her tightly, he closed his eyes in relief. He knew there were still uncertain times ahead for him. There was the issue of his health, not to mention the difficult conversation he was going to have to have with his partner about leaving 5-0. But he could handle whatever came his way because he would have the love of his life by his side.

Always.


End file.
